(PAM)

I've just gotten Katy settled down for a much needed nap when my cell phone rings. After the phone call I got earlier today, I'm tempted to throw the damn thing in the trash, but a quick check of the caller ID and I see that its safe to answer. In fact this caller brings a smile to my face.

"Hey you! How the heck are you? Where are you?" I ask.

"I'm in California, and as for how I'm doing...." he answers and I can tell that something is not quite right; he normally starts in with the flirting from the word hello.

"What's up? Everything okay? And what are you doing in California?" I ask as I settle down in one of the comfy chairs in my suite. Hank's ranch must have had a banner year. He certainly hasn't skimped on the accommodations. This place is beautiful. And well stocked, with terry robes, slippers and an amazing mini bar. There is popcorn, candy bars, breakfast bars, brochette and crackers and some very yummy looking cheese. I could get used to this.

I hear Declan sigh before he says, "I came over with Mel to help her find a place and get settled in."

"How's she doing?" I can't even imagine facing what she's had to face losing Griffin and raising five children all by herself. The grief of losing the man you planned on spending the rest of your life with I understand, but to have to get up every day and look into those little faces and see Griffin? That would be incredibly hard.

"She's hanging in there. I guess every day that goes by makes it a little easier. But I hate to leave her there."

"Where are you going?"

He swallows hard and is silent for almost a minute. That's definitely not a good sign.

"Declan, what's up?" I ask.

"I have to go back home, me Da is getting worse," he replies in as thick a brogue as I've ever heard from him.

"Oh no." I'm genuinely sad for him, knowing how much he loves his father. This is Declan's worst fear come true; he's always been convinced the best place for his father to be is at home, surrounded by those who love him best. He talked about the possibility of having to put his father in an assisted care facility when we were together, but was determined for that not to happen.

"He wandered away last week. Was gone a couple hours, we had half the county out searching for him. My mother just turned her back for a minute, she went to answer the phone and when she turned around the door was open and he was not to be seen."

I can only imagine the fear they felt, wondering where Mr. McGinnis was; praying he was safe and sound somewhere. "But the main thing is you were able to locate him. He's home safe and sound again, right?" I find myself crossing my fingers.

"Yes, but for how long?"

That's a good question and the next time the outcome might not be as good. I'm not sure what to say to him. It's a situation I have no experience with. But maybe I can try and point out the advantages of this decision.

"Declan, I know this has to be incredibly hard. But it sounds like it's the best thing for your Da." I used to call Fran's Dad that when I was growing up. There's a pang when I realize that friendship was just another casualty of my crazy life. "That's an awful lot of responsibility for your Mom or for you. And an awful lot of guilt when something goes wrong."

There's another heavy sigh on the other line and I'm really wishing that I could be there with him to offer him some comfort. I miss that big Irishman far more than I thought I would.

"I know you're right but that doesn't make it any easier. He took care of all of us for most of his life. He was the rock we all leaned on, the one we turned to for advice and support. It tears me heart out to see him like this. There's sadness in his eyes. It's so hard to walk into the room and have him not know me." His voice breaks again, and I know this is just killing him. I can't help but be flattered that he's sharing this with me; he really isn't the kind of guy to wear his emotions on his sleeve.

In fact I'd say he's the exact opposite of the man currently residing in one of the cottages at this hotel. Joe Ross is the king of keeping his feelings and emotions under wraps. Sometimes I've felt as though he took a vow of silence at some point; when it came to talking to me about something that was bothering him it was as if he'd suddenly been struck mute. I try to imagine him in Declan's shoes and I know without a doubt he wouldn't be on the phone with me right now, telling me how he feels.

Hell, he'd probably be beating down Morgan's door, eager to tell her. Banishing that thought from my mind, I decide not to focus on Joe. My thoughts automatically turn to another man in my life. Chris has had no problem telling me what's on his mind, this afternoon's call was a good illustration and I could wash his mouth out with soap for what he asked. But I suppose it makes sense. We did have unprotected sex and pregnancy is just one result I could be worried about.

But I don't have to worry about being that foolish again. There's no way in hell I'm going to put myself in the position of having a man take advantage of me the way Chris has. Or for that matter, the way Joe has. For the first time since I arrived in Hawaii I'm glad I'm here. I have the perfect opportunity to confront Joe and tell him exactly what I think, and what I feel about the mess our marriage became. And this time I'm not going to hold anything back.

It's about time Mr. Ross heard the truth. And I can only wonder what he'll say in response.

*******************

(PAM)

It's our first whole day in Hawaii and I can hardly wait to hit the beach. And I think Katy feels the same way. She's already dug her swim suit out of the suitcases. Jack is dressed in a swim diaper, yellow and blue swim trunks, a navy tank top, denim hat and plenty of sunscreen.

"Come here Katy and bring my brush so I can put your hair up before we go outside."

"Okay Mommy," she says, happily running into the bathroom to fetch the brush. "We go swimming? And build sand castles? And looks for shells?"

"I think we can manage to do all that while we are here," I tell her as I brush her hair and gather it up into a ponytail. I pull it through a ponytail holder a couple times; then tell her to turn. She looks adorable in a pink polka dot bikini and matching flip flops. A few more minutes to cover her with lotion, then I'm chasing her out of the bedroom so I can slip on my own suit.

When I went shopping in New York for a swimsuit, I couldn't make up my mind, did I buy a one piece sensible for chasing after kids swimsuit? Or a look at me bikini? I went for the bikini. It's emerald green and makes me feel sexy. Beck doesn't know what he's missing. Maybe I'll have someone take a picture and send it too him.

"Mommy ! You ready yet?" comes Katy's voice from the other side of the door.

"Yes, I think I am, Katybug," I tell her and after slipping on a matching cover up, I open the door. Grabbing our beach bag, I load it up with diapers, snacks, formula, magazines, my camera, sunscreen, and some other odds and ends. Picking up my cell phone I debate leaving it in the room, the last thing I want is another call from Chris. But I told Declan that if he needed to talk he could call me anytime. So I take the phone with me, if Chris calls I can just ignore him. So in the bag it goes. Picking Jack up I kiss him and settle him on my hip, slide the bag on my other shoulder and take Katy's hand. Somehow I think the sexy bikini is going to be overshadowed by the kid paraphernalia. Oh well, such are the perils of motherhood.

By the time we finally make it down to the beach that stretches in front of our sect ion of the hotel, I realize I'm not the only member of the family to have this idea. Annie and the girls have already set up camp on a section of the white sand and Sydney is there as well, just spreading out a towel. Logan's sister and her family have their towels and chairs arranged a short distance away and I can see several other towels spread out across the sand in different places as well.

Annie's just slathering some sun screen on Paige's back as we walk over and she wipes her hands on a spare towel before reaching out to give Katy a big hug. "Welcome, we were just wondering whether we should send out the search party for the three of you."

"Sorry, we got a bit of a late start. Jack decided he was extra hungry this morning," I explain.

"No need for apologies," Sydney tells me. "You're here now, Annie can stop fretting."

"Aww, were you worried I was going to change my mind and go home or something?" I can't resist teasing Annie, but then we have that kind of relationship. I might be the unofficial 'evil' step monster but the two of us have always been mo re like friends than anything else.

"Yeah something like that." She comes over to take Jack out of my arms. "I really just wanted to see this little guy. Wow, he's getting so big," she exclaims.

"Tell me about it, I swear I replace his wardrobe with the next size up every other week."

Satisfied Jack is in good hands, I get myself arranged on a towel and see what Katy wants to do. "Go swimming," she announces patiently, shading her eyes to look out toward the water. The surf isn't exactly what I'd call gentle this morning, there are regular waves breaking on the beach, but it's a beautiful sunny day and I'm not about to complain. The water looks shallow where we are and I think Katy will think it's great to race the waves onto the sand.

But she's got another idea altogether. "Yook, Mommy, its Lily and Connor. They be out in the water. I wanna go where they are."

I can't believe I didn't even notice the two of them but I finally follow where Katy's pointing and realize they are in the water, out a little ways from shore. From the look of things, they're in the middle of a surf lesson with someone.

Squinting, I try and make just who it is, but the only thing I can make out is that the instructor is male, tall and looks like he's in really good shape. I'm kind of surprised that Joe would let some one he doesn't know take the kids out into the surf. That's so not like him. Then again he has contacts in the most surprising places so maybe it is some one he knows. Maybe I should go check this guy out, make sure that Lily and Connor are enjoying themselves.

"Annie do you mind watching Jack for a bit? Katy wants to go play in the water."

"I don't mind one little bit, the two of you go have some fun. We'll be just fine won't we Jack?"

Jack responds by smiling and drooling.

"Okay, anything you need is in the bag," I tell her and pull off my cover up.

Annie whistles. "Looking good Mom," she says then cracks up.

"Watch it or I'll ground you young lady," I retort joining in the laughter. It feels good to laugh and joke. There's been so much darn drama in my life lately and I like the idea that the toughest decision right now is whether to stay on the sand and suntan, or go for a dip in the clear water.

Right now the water is winning out. Taking hold of Katy's hand I walk her down the beach, letting her dart toward the waves before she scampers back to safety beside me. She's giggling up a storm and I can't help but join in. As much as I enjoyed my visit to Italy, I really missed being with her and her brother, and I'm glad to be reunited with them again. And to think a couple of years ago there really weren't any children in my life, unless you count Garth's three girls. Now I have two sons and a daughter.

Shaking my head at the unexpected twists and turns life sometimes takes, I follow Katy back into the water. She's getting braver now, more anxious to get to Connor and Lily. She jumps up, waving a hand as she calls out, "Hi, Katy over here, Katy here!" she lets them know.

Connor sees her and waves, he's standing on the surfboard, and he's waving so hard he almost falls off. And I find myself holding my breath until he quickly rights himself.

"Come on Mommy, I wanna do that too!" Katy says excitedly and walks even further into the water. Connor and Lily are both a couple inches taller than she is and they are still a little ways further out, so I pick her up and quickly wade out there. I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable with her learning how to surf at five years old, but I don't want to squash her desire to try new things either. I want her to have the guts to go after what she wants in this world and not settle for less than what she deserves.

The instructor has his back turned towards us as he helps the kids get used to being on the board, and as we get closer I can't help but think that there is something very familiar about those broad shoulders and that stance.

Katy starts bouncing in my arms and I have to concentrate on holding her, and walking through the waves at the same time. She's gleeful as she calls out another greeting, "Hi Connor, Hi Lily. Hi Daddy!"

I find myself opening my mouth to copy her greetings but the words die in my throat. I start to tell her it's not her Daddy standing thigh deep in the water, that it's just a stranger: someone hired by her Daddy to teach Lily and Connor about surfing. But then he turns, and I catch my first glimpse in months of the man who is indeed my daughter's father.

There have been a lot of changes for Joe in the past two months. For one thing his hair is longer than I've ever seen it. He's got it pushed back from his face but I swear it's so long there are waves in it. Joe Ross with the closest thing to curls I've ever seen. Okay, I swear I must be hallucinating. It's either jet lag or the sun over here is an awful lot stronger than I think it is. Any minute now I half expect to wake up in my bed and realize I've been dreaming.

But then that familiar voice says, "Hi Pam, Hi Katybug. How are you?"

Katy is the only one that answers. "I be good Daddy. I wanna do that," she says, pointing towards where Connor is sitting on the surf board.

"Well, that all depends on your Mommy, Katybug," he says. "What do you think Mommy?"

I think that my soon to be ex husband has transformed himself into a hunk. Gone are the frown and worry lines, he looks so much more relaxed than the last time I saw him. He's obviously been working out. He looks as good as he did when I first met him, maybe even better. There's even a smile on his face as he looks at me waiting for an answer. When's the last time that happened?

"Pam?" Joe prompts and there's a hint of laughter in his voice, as if he knows exactly what's taking me so long to answer. I can feel myself blushing and I feel totally off balance, and it has nothing to do with the shifting sand beneath my feet.

"Umm, sure you can try it out," I tell her.

Joe leans over and kisses my cheek. "Thanks."

He takes Katy out of my arms, wading out to where Connor, Lily and the surfboard are and I just stay where I am and watch, feeling just a little like Alice falling through that rabbit hole into Wonderland.

Does that make Joe the White Rabbit?

*****************

(CHRIS)

I feel like breathing a sigh of relief, but I'd say that's probably a little premature. I may have had the chance to say my piece; to tell Morgan of my intentions, but I know we've only just started to pick up the pieces of our shattered relationship. We still have to get back into therapy and there are bound to be more than a few heart wrenching discussions then. But right now I'm standing at the curb outside Clay's restaurant, waiting for her to pull her car into a parking spot and then we'll go in and see how crazy Bella has driven Clay in the past hour. But hey, he's the one who offered to baby sit so Morgan and I had a little time to talk.

Walking around the car I open Morgan's door and step back so she can get out from behind the wheel. She's still acting a little wary of me and I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't bother me. Is there really a reason for her to be nervous around me?

I know I've given her plenty of reasons over the past decade to be wary of my love; but I've never once given her a reason to be scared of me. I know I've hurt her heart, but I've never raised a hand to her. Then again maybe it is the times I've hurt her heart that has her wary. Anyone who says that a broken heart doesn't cause physical pain has never had one.

"Bella is going to be so happy to see you," I tell Morgan. "She was a less than happy camper when I left her here."

"I've missed her," Morgan says softly.

"She missed you too," I say. I hate this. I hate feeling like I'm walking in eggshells around my own wife. It's part of what sent me in another direction in the first place. But I won't do that any more. It's not fair to any of the people involved.

Tugging open the restaurant door, I let Morgan precede me inside and I blink a few times as my eyes adjust to the dimmer light. We're early for dinner and there aren't many other patrons here yet. That's probably a good thing as we suddenly hear a familiar voice yell out, "Mommy!" and Bella comes sprinting across the dining room straight into her mother's arms.

Morgan scoops her up, giving her kiss after kiss. "Mommy's missed you Bella!"

"Bella miss Mommy too!"

Of course that just makes me feel guilty that I kept the two of them apart. I've never wanted to be the kind of parent who uses the children to get back at their spouse and yet here I am. Guilty as charged. I knew darn well it would bother Morgan to know I'd take Bella from Minnesota without letting her know first. And I did it anyway.

It's just one more thing I need to make amends for.

Clay comes over and I shake his hand.

"Did she behave herself?" I ask him to make conversation.

"She was just fine and not nearly as picky an eater as her Mom," he says to needle Morgan. "I was making some trays up for a catering job and it seems that little Miss Bella here likes shrimp and cheese and sausage just fine."

"Oh hush." Morgan says as settles Bella on her hip. "I've tried hard not to pass my pickiness down to my children. Her Dad will eat just about anything, so I guess that's where she gets it from.

Clay elbows me. "Thank goodness for that."

I have to chuckle along with him and it feels like old times to see Morgan narrowing her eyes at the both of us.

"Are you two going to eat or did you come in just to pick up Bella?" Clay asks.

"Eat," I say quickly, before Morgan can try to make her getaway. "Come on Bella, let's go pick out a table." That gets her squirming and Morgan frowns at me but then has no choice but to set Bella on her own feet once again. She can give me all the dirty looks she wants but I'm not going to let her avoid me.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Clay rubs his hands together then slings an arm around Morgan. "I have the perfect menu picked out for my favorite assistant."

"Hope it's not anything you made me cook." She sticks her tongue out at him, then tries to look innocent and for the first time in ages it feels like old times.

I'm well aware however that's just an illusion, it's going to take a while and lots of hard work before we can even come close to old times. And truth be told I don't want old times. I want new, better times. And for the first time, I'm one hundred percent committed to doing the work required to get there.

No matter how painful or how hard the work is, the woman sitting across from me and the child at her side are well worth the effort. And so am I.

************

(MORGAN)

I guess the therapist is so glad both Chris and I are both here at the same time that he decides to get right to the heart of the problem without wasting any time. We haven't been sitting here for five minutes when he poses the question, "Do you wish you'd never met?" There are definitely times when the answer to that question would be yes, especially when Chris is acting like a jerk. I've got several examples I could use but is that what he really wants me to say? I hate that I second guess every question the doctor asks but it seems like there's never a simple answer to anything he asks. If I was to say yes or no, he'll just ask me to clarify.

But Chris doesn't have any hesitation. He looks at the therapist then at me and answers clearly. "No, my life would be missing something important if I'd never met Morgan."

"What would be missing?" The therapist asks. And I swear I breathe a sigh of relief because I don't have to say anything.

"As clichéd as it sounds, my reason for getting up in the morning," Chris answers. "There's a spark that's missing when she isn't in my life. I may look like I'm doing okay, but there's always a hole where she used to be. Morgan gives me a reason to want to be a better man." Chris runs his hand through his hair, and adds. "I know all that sounds like I've gone to the Hallmark store and memorized every sappy card there, but it's the truth. I never was very good at expressing my feelings without music and lyrics."

There's silence and I realize everyone is staring at me, waiting for me to give my two cents. Swallowing hard, I lick my lips; then finally say, "No, I don't wish I'd met Chris. It's not all just bad times; we've had some pretty good moments as well." They're still both looking at me so I quickly add, "I can't imagine my life without Chris in it."

Dr. Sohan looks down at his notes. "So are you imagining your life with Chris as your husband? Or simply as father to your daughter?"

I frown and wish there was an easier way to figure out how to fix things. Sometimes the way the doctor words his questions, just makes my head hurt. "Both. He is my husband; he is father to my daughter. But when I'm with Chris it's as if the rest of the world doesn't exist. Sometimes I feel as though I'm obsessed with him. I ruined a marriage with a perfectly good man because of Chris. He became more important to me than my kids and that really scares me because I adore my children. All of them.

"If you feel that way why do you think the two of you fight so much? Why do you push Chris away even though you have all the ingredients you need to be happy? Why did you sleep with Joe?"

I want to ask why he's not asking Chris why he slept with Pam? But I keep my mouth shut.

"Morgan?" he prompts me when I don't answer his questions right away.

"If I knew the answers to the first two questions we wouldn't be here." I snap, then sigh and try again. "I think we fight so much be cause we're both afraid to be happy. So many of the people I've trusted and gotten close to have screwed me over, and that includes Chris. I think I push him away because I'm afraid he's going to leave anyway, so why not just get it over with." I can't look at Chris as I talk, this is hard enough knowing he's in the room listening. "As to why I slept with Joe...after you decked Joe I couldn't let him leave until I knew he was okay. He probably took as much advantage of the situation as you did that night. "

"So the only way you could find out if he was okay was to %@#! him?" Chris sounds incredulous.

And of course I can't leave well enough alone. "And the only way you could deal with seeing me hugging Joe was to go %@#! Pam? Seems to me we both dealt with our problems the same way."

"That doesn't explain why you slept with him again in Minnesota! Or did you have to make sure he was okay again?"

"How do I know you didn't sleep with Pam in Italy?" I burst out. If we're going to air our dirty laundry, we may as well get it all out. "I'm just supposed to take your word for it that nothing happened?"

"Nothing happened!" Chris shoots back.

"Yeah, right. Like I've never heard that before."

"I know you've heard it before Morgan. I'm well aware that you don't trust anything I say. I've already explained this to you. Pam did spend the night with me. It would be pointless to lie anyway, you were there you saw the bed. Despite what the tabloids insinuate nothing happened. We had lunch, we fought, she walked away. But she came back and we talked. She showed me the picture of Joe and the kids at the cabin. I went ballistic, I wanted to jump on the first plane out of there to Minnesota and beat the crap out of Ross. But she calmed me down, talked me out of the violence. That picture didn't just piss me off, it hurt Pam too. How many times has her husband gone running to you instead of to her? She told me that the thing that hurt the most was that Joe had never looked at her the way I look at you in the video we made. I asked her to stay that night because I needed to hold on to some one, to keep me from going out and finding myself some anonymous sex. I didn't have sex with Pam that night because I couldn't hurt her again. She already knows that Joe never loved her the way he should have. She didn't need me using her again. I swear on Bella's life Pam and I did not have sex that night. I don't know what else I can say or do."

"So I'm the guilty one now. I'm the one who's screwed this up."

"Did I say that?" Chris is all but shouting now. Rising out of his chair, he says, "We both screwed up our marriage, Morgan. We're both equally guilty this time around. I know you're trying to bring hurts of the past into this but they don't count. It's what we did this time around, or what we didn't do. And I swear I've done everything I can to try to get through to you. I love you; I want to be with you. But if you don't feel that way, if you don't want me any more, do me a favor and just spit it out. Tell me so I can move on. And then finally maybe you'll be able to move on from the past and be happy. That's what I want for you. That's all I want."

"That's what I want too Chris. More than anything I want to be happy. My children deserve that, I deserve that. I don't want you to leave Chris that's the last thing I want. But I want you to be happy too. And I'm just not sure that I can make you happy."

"Yes you can. We just have to figure out how to get us both happy at the same time."

"And what if we can't?" I barely manage to whisper.

"I don't know Morgan. I really don't know."

That's what scares me, what if we can't figure this out?

**************

(CHRIS)

"Your assignment is to go on a date. Do something you'd typically do on a first day-dinner, a movie, an afternoon at the park or something-get to know one another from that starting point again."

Easy for the therapist to say, he's not the one who's a bundle of nerves right now. That's just ridiculous. How are Morgan and I supposed to go on a first date for god's sakes? We've been married twice, we have a child together, we've known one another for ten years. I can tell you her every like and dislike and give you enough memories to fill a book. Are we really supposed to pretend we don't know one another; that we're just two people starting out? Maybe we need to get a new therapist.

I'm just starting to feel like we're wasting time. We're taking this so slowly. I've heard of baby steps but this takes it to a whole new level. Go on a first date. Shaking my head I resist the urge to start yelling and force myself to concentrate on the task at hand. Climbing out of the car, I reach back in to grab the bouquet of pink roses from the passenger seat and take a deep breath as I set them on the roof so I can adjust my tie. Okay maybe the tie is a little much. A yank, a jerk, and I'm pulling it free of my collar. Balling it up, I toss it into the car and undo the first few buttons on my shirt. I feel like I'm sweating up a storm.

All because I'm about to go on a first date with my wife.

Rolling my eyes I grab the flowers and force myself to head toward the porch. Let's get this show on the road.

It's a short walk up to the door. How many times have I walked this path? Coming home after a concert anxious to see everyone on the other side of the door. Or Morgan and I coming home after being out loathe to open that door because it would mean that we would have to go from being lovers to being Mom and Dad. Or the times after school, listening to Lily and Connor go on about their days.

It's the thought of the last time I walked this way that has me stopping in my tracks. When I left that night I didn't think I'd be coming back. And yet here I am, doing everything I can think of to make damn sure I'm here everyday for the rest of her life.

Taking a deep breath, I take the steps two the porch two at a time, wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and knock on the door.

I'm just about to knock again when the door swings open and Morgan is standing there. She's definitely not ready for a date, unless the plan is to weed the garden. She's in a pair of jeans and a tank top with more than a few paint splatters on it. Looks like the same color on the feature wall in Bella's nursery, if I'm not mistaken. "Look," she says. "We don't really have to follow through with this date. We'll just come up with a few details to keep Dr. Sohan happy and that'll be that."

"No it won't."

"What?"

"You heard me." Pushing past her, I step into the hallway and thrust the flowers at her. "These need to go in a vase, then you need to get changed and we're going out for dinner."

"Really, we don't have to."

"Yes we do."

"Why?"

I look at her. "Why? Because I thought we were supposed to be putting our marriage back together. Why? Because that's what our therapist has suggested we do. Why? Because I want to."

"And who cares what I want," she says flatly.

That does it. She's not going to pull this same old crap. Moving toe to toe with her, I waggle a finger in her face. "You want this as much as I do, so don't give me this bullshit. Remember when I came back and told you I was going to take care of you for a change and you were going to go along with it?" I pause until she finally, reluctantly nods. "Well, guess what, this is me taking care of you. You're getting dressed and we're going out. And don't think I won't hesitate to drag you upstairs and change you myself."

"You wouldn't dare," she squeaks out.

"Watch me."

I match my words with actions and sweep her up into my arms and head towards the stairs.

"Okay, okay. Put me down and I'll get dressed," she says as she starts to struggle.

I don't do as she asks, I just keep walking.

"Chris, I promise. Now put me down. If we are supposed to be on a first date, you are not coming up those stairs to watch me dress."

"Fine," I say and put her down but I don't move until she starts up the stairs. Once she does I sit down on the bottom step to wait for her. We skipped all this the first time, hell I think we skipped it the second time too. But I think I like it.
It takes Morgan about twenty minutes and just about the time I'm wondering if I should go upstairs and drag her back down, she reappears at the top of stairs. I almost trip over myself getting to my feet and as I step backwards, she slowly comes down. She's wearing a dress, a flirty yellow silk dress that accents every curve. I don't think I even remember the last time Morgan wore a dress unless it was at our wedding. And she's in heels. Impossibly tall heels. She's going to tower over me but I really could care less right now. I just want to keep looking at her legs.

"See something you like?" she asks.

"Yes I do."

"Well, just remember I'm not on the menu tonight," she says with a smile.

That smile is the smile remember seeing on her face when me met all those years ago on a plane. She got me through that landing and so many other rough spots, I just want to see more of it. So I'll suffer through this first date and as many more as it takes to get us through t his. What else can I do? She's been my life for so long and I'm not ready to give her up, not by a long shot.

************

(JOE)

A quick calculation and I realize it's after midnight in Tulsa. I probably shouldn't risk calling Morgan but she did call twice during the luau. But then again she didn't leave any messages so it's probably not that important. Maybe it would be better to wait until tomorrow. Don't have a clue if Chris is with her, and I really don't want to risk having him pick up the phone. Then again if she's calling me, the odds are good Chris isn't with her and maybe she really does need to talk.

Popping into the cottage I check to make sure Lily and Connor are sound asleep and after re-arranging some blankets and taking the conch shell out of Conn's bed, I slip back outside. The heat of the day has finally worn off and there's a cool breeze coming off the ocean. It's definitely welcome, today was a little too humid for my taste. There's a wicker chair just outside the door and I tug it out a little toward the grass, settling down and just regarding the view for a few minutes. This place really does classify as paradise. The moonlight illuminates the tall palm trees flanking the cottages and if I look the opposite direction I can see the gentle waves breaking on the beach. Wonder what it would be like to live here full time and see this view every morning?

There's a fairly nice sized nest egg sitting in the bank so no doubt I could find a small place on the water somewhere. And if I sell the charter business that nest egg would only get bigger. It's a nice dream, but I couldn't stand to be that far away from my children and the rest of my family. Morgan is included when I think of family, she's Connor and Lily's mother and that won't ever change.

After pushing a few buttons to find Morgan's number in the address book on my phone, I sit listening to the rings. She answers on the fourth ring.

"Hello."

"Greetings from Paradise," I say softly, "Did I wake you up?"

"Not really. Haven't been able to get t o sleep yet," she says and I can hear the weariness in her voice.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, no." She repeats herself again then ends with a long sigh. "Got any bedtime stories guaranteed to put me to sleep?"

It's on the tip of my tongue to ask her what's wrong but does she really want me to do that? We're supposed to be putting distance between one another as she works on repairing her marriage to Chris. I know from her call yesterday to the kids that he's back in Tulsa and the two of them are going to therapy again. But any time we've spoken we've skirted around the subject. "'fraid not, sweetheart. Connor and Lily are going to bed like champions lately because of all the fresh air and exercise they've been getting. Don't think it's because of my stories.

"They're having fun?" she asks.

"Lots," I assure her. "They're both getting pretty good on the surfboard and yes, I'm taking lots of pictures for you."

"You're teaching them to surf? Wow, wish I could be there to see that. As I recall you looked pretty good on a surfboard yourself."

"I got my share of attention back in the day." I tell her. I'm trying not to think about her being here sharing this moonlight with me. I did the right thing; set my own feelings aside and sent her back to Chris and I'm not going to do anything to change that no matter how much I want to.

"So what have else have you been up to in Paradise?" she asks.

"Hank arranged a luau for us tonight. The food was amazing there was even a few things there you would eat," I tease her. "We even went shopping and got Hawaiian outfits for everyone. Connor refused to buy anything with flowers on it." I laugh as I remember the distasteful expression on his face when he was insisting he wasn't wearing anything floral.

We chat for a few minutes about the kids, and the whole time I'm wanting to ask her how she's doing.

Finally I just bite the bullet. "And how about you?"

"Me?" Now the cat has her tongue. How many times have I encountered this over the years?

"Yeah you. Remember I'm here for you, sweetheart. How are you doing?"

She sighs once, then again. "He's back in Tulsa, Joe. We're going to therapy. It's wrenching and painful and I want to quit every second we're in a session."

But….?"

"But I don't. I want to fix my marriage. I want to grow old with Chris. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just wish it wasn't so difficult to get to that point."

"What's that old saying? Something about anything good is worth doing well." Why am I wishing she'd been this determined to keep our marriage together? But it's a little too late for that now. I can't wonder, and worry, about what might have been. She's chosen Chris and I'm going to do whatever I can to help them stay together.

I've got to be insane.

"I'll try and keep that in mind," she says then yawns.

"Okay I can take a hint. Go to sleep Morgan."

"I think I will. Thanks for calling back Joe. It means a lot."

"No problem, I'll always call you back. Sweet dreams sweetheart." I tell her and end the phone call.

Yep, definitely insane. No doubt about it.

************

(MORGAN)

I'm in the mood for a big salad, so that's what I'm making us for lunch. I'll throw in some grilled chicken to satisfy Chris' carnivorous taste buds.

"Man it's hot out there," Chris comments as he walks into the kitchen, he's been outside moving sprinklers around. It hasn't rained here in weeks and the grass is starting to brown. Knowing how often grass fires threaten this area, we make a point of ensuring everything is watered.

"Yes it is. I thought by now it would have started to cool off but apparently not this year," I reply as I slice up red onions for the salad.

Chris comes over and grabs a couple pieces of chicken.

I slap at his hand. "Hey that's for the salad."

It feels a little bit like old times, and I'm surprised that we're getting along so well, therapy has been rough. But Chris is here and we're doing our best to find ways to get along.

Tossing the onions into the salad, I move on to slicing some oranges and Chris makes a face, reaching over to steal some of those. "Hurry up, would you? A guy could starve around here."

"A guy could go set the table so we don't have to eat with our fingers," I retort and he makes another face but this time he goes over to the cupboard and starts rummaging around for the bowls we usually use for salad, but instead he pulls out the glasses.

"Do you want a soda, or water?"

"Soda," I say. "With lots of ice."

"Of course," he says automatically, and I realize he's already over at the fridge sliding a glass under the ice dispenser. Guess he knows what I like.

Chris sets the glasses on the table then goes to the cupboard for salad bowls, the drawer for silverware, and the fridge for dressings. By the time he's done setting the table I'm done getting lunch ready. I set the salad in the middle of the table and take a seat. After Chris is done serving himself I fill my own bowl up and pour on a small amount of salad dressing. We pretty much eat in silence. Each of us lost in our own thoughts I guess. It's not really an uncomfortable silence, but it's not one of contentment either.

"You know there is something we could do at the new house to make these dog days more comfortable," Chris finally says.

"Really? What did you have in mind?" I ask curiously, we already have air conditioning installed and trees planned on the sunny side of the house to help shade it.

"We could put in a pool in the back yard. Or better yet an indoor pool that way we could use it year round. The exercise would be great for my shoulder. And the kids would have a blast too."

A pool? Indoors. As decadent as it sounds I can't help focusing on the one obvious negative. "Wouldn't that be kind of dangerous?" I don't even want to imagine any of the children somehow winding up in the water without someone around.

Chris carefully sets down his fork. "Should have known you'd bring up something negative."

Yeah, I'm a little shocked at his reaction. I thought I was being reasonable, mentioning a concern. "Gee, sorry I'm concerned about the welfare of my kids. I'll remember to keep that to myself next time you come up with a crazy idea."

"So I'm the one who comes up with crazy ideas? We live in Oklahoma if you hadn't noticed; it snows part of the year. What good is an outdoor pool if we can only use it half the year? I know you like to pretend we're paupers but newsflash, we're not. We can afford an indoor pool and actually I don't think I really need to ask your permission if I want to add it to my house."

My own fork is set down on the table and I push my bowl away from me, crossing my arms afterwards. "I have a better idea, why don't we talk about you keeping things to yourself." I wondered when we'd get around to talking about his admission in the last therapy session and now seems as good a time as any.

"Why don't you just say his name, Morgan. You mean what I said about Mikey."

"Yeah, I guess I do. When were you going to mention the trial, Chris? I obviously play a part in that. Why didn't you tell me about it sooner?"

He shoves his chair back from the table and rages, "How do you tell your wife that your son is responsible for terrorizing you in your own home?"

We started out talking about our respective bouts of infidelity with Joe and Pam in our last therapy session but somehow the conversation took a left turn and wound up being about Mikey. I can still hear Chris' halting admission.

"There's more to it than that Morgan. Sarah told me that her and her husband are getting divorced and that's probably why he's been acting up. Just before I left California he pulled me aside told me that he was responsible for the break-in and wanted to take something I loved away from me so I would feel the same as he does knowing my accident took his birth mom and twin sister away from him."

I remember feeling the color drain from my face as I stuttered, "He was responsible for the break in because he wanted to get back at you?"

"Apparently."

"Oh my God."

Chris looked so defeated as he said, "I wanted to beat the crap out of him for what he did to you. To our sense of safety in our own house. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to do exactly that. I couldn't do that to Sarah. She has enough to deal with, with the divorce and Mikey running away. So I did what I do best I walked away."

Dr. Sohan interjected, "And instead of turning to your wife, you chose to turn to someone else."

Chris simply held up his hand and said, "Guilty as charged."

I think the doctor and I both asked "Why?" at the same time.

"I turned to someone else because it was the easy way out. I didn't have to face my guilt. Or my shame." He went on to further explain, "I was ashamed that my son terrorized us, terrorized Morgan to the point she didn't want to stay in our home any more. And I felt guilty, I feel guilty because I couldn't protect her. Maybe you'd be better off with Joe, at least you know he'd always remember to set the security system and he'd probably be able to disarm a burglar or burglars as well.

What was I going to do? I know he's not responsible for what happened and I reached over, trying to capture his hand but he just stepped away from me. "Chris, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. They may have still found a way in even if the alarm had been set, or watched the house and waited until the kids came back to attack. As for trying to disarm them...... you heard the officer that night, he said that would have been the dumbest thing you could have done. They might have killed you!!

"Maybe that's what I deserve," he muttered in a monotone.

I stood up to face him. "Don't even think that. You maybe a screwed up mess, but your my screwed up mess. I have no idea what I would do without you in my life. Stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself, you have plenty to live for!" I blazed at him.

And now here we are, with a trial to think about. Chris' son has plead guilty and it's really just a formality according to the lawyer. We'll testify and the judge will announce his ruling and the sentencing. It sounds so simple yet I know it's the thought of it is tearing Chris to pieces.

The break in might be over and Mikey might be about to face his punishment but right now it just feels as though he's continuing to hold us hostage.

******************